Our Choice
"You're as full as you want to be." That was a quote in regards to the holy spirit. The lady that spoke at ground zero read it to us. I didn't get around to mentioning it last time but I get to now, yay :) It is by Jonathan Edwards. Interestingly enough we just learned about him in my history of religion class. He played a significant role in the first Great Awakening. He also wrote a piece called "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God". I have got to get ahold of that some time and read it. I don't know if this quote is from it or not but anyway.
The quote really struck my attention. It is so true. Everyone has just as much opportunity to be completely filled but we choose not to, I've done it myself. In fact, I think I am still doing it. As unfortunately honest as that is it's true. There are just some things in life that when it comes down to it, are not easy to let go of. I'm not trying to justify this problem, but explain. I have to decide that I am indeed going to completely let go, scary thought considering I have this issue with trust. While I love change, there are just also some things of commonality that are not fun to let go of. I'm going to though.
Weeeelllll, while we're on the brutally honest tract... I might as well vent about something else that is troubling. See, since I have this issue with trust, it means that it takes me a really REALLY long time to open up to people. And actually, I usually don't. However, what a relief when there are those few that I do trust and know me, because there is so much freedom. Well, basically almost the only ones that have the upmost of that priveledge is my family (yeah, duh). It isn't so much that I'm insecure of who I am, I know who I am and actually happen to really like myself, something, sadly many can not say. However, I am complex, ecclectic, hard to understand, and for the record, can't spell to save my life, i'm sure you'll notice that :). So I spend so much time trying to watch the trail of how who I am is affecting everyone that I get insanely tired of it and find it a waste. So when it gets to the place where you don't have to explain yourself all the time it is beyond wonderful. Anyway, my brother is moving away. Yep, he's moving away. I didn't think it would affect me so much, I even almost went to a different college because I wanted that chance for my own identity, funny thing with twins, you'd think there was only one of us. But he is a good friend, and I have been trying to avoid thinking about not being able to just run over and hang out with he and his wife. In a week I'll be helping them move across the country and miss them a lot. The truth is bound to take its toll here very soon. You know its funny you never think growing up is that big of a deal, or that it will be hard at all, and then it's time...
The quote really struck my attention. It is so true. Everyone has just as much opportunity to be completely filled but we choose not to, I've done it myself. In fact, I think I am still doing it. As unfortunately honest as that is it's true. There are just some things in life that when it comes down to it, are not easy to let go of. I'm not trying to justify this problem, but explain. I have to decide that I am indeed going to completely let go, scary thought considering I have this issue with trust. While I love change, there are just also some things of commonality that are not fun to let go of. I'm going to though.
Weeeelllll, while we're on the brutally honest tract... I might as well vent about something else that is troubling. See, since I have this issue with trust, it means that it takes me a really REALLY long time to open up to people. And actually, I usually don't. However, what a relief when there are those few that I do trust and know me, because there is so much freedom. Well, basically almost the only ones that have the upmost of that priveledge is my family (yeah, duh). It isn't so much that I'm insecure of who I am, I know who I am and actually happen to really like myself, something, sadly many can not say. However, I am complex, ecclectic, hard to understand, and for the record, can't spell to save my life, i'm sure you'll notice that :). So I spend so much time trying to watch the trail of how who I am is affecting everyone that I get insanely tired of it and find it a waste. So when it gets to the place where you don't have to explain yourself all the time it is beyond wonderful. Anyway, my brother is moving away. Yep, he's moving away. I didn't think it would affect me so much, I even almost went to a different college because I wanted that chance for my own identity, funny thing with twins, you'd think there was only one of us. But he is a good friend, and I have been trying to avoid thinking about not being able to just run over and hang out with he and his wife. In a week I'll be helping them move across the country and miss them a lot. The truth is bound to take its toll here very soon. You know its funny you never think growing up is that big of a deal, or that it will be hard at all, and then it's time...
posted by Rachel at 10:06 PM
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